How To: Procrastinate (like me).

Before I begin this entry, I'm super excited to share with you how a friend of mine (who takes pride in calling himself Zinghai) reacted to my previous blog entry by creating this lovely artwork.

This picture perfectly summarizes my blog, about how weird I am. It is totally relevant and has to do with something I had typed in that previous entry. Extra points for those who successfully decipher the relevance. 

So my sincere apologies for slacking and ditching my blog entirely for like. a month. I am aware that this is unacceptable, and I feel really quite miserable for not being able to find time. College is amazing. And by that I mean that though some aspects of college (like student life) is genuinely amazing, the workload is a-maze-ing. So amazing that I'm stuck inside a maze with a rapidly decreasing supply of maize. <-- Isn't my wordplay amazing? Or are you saying "ah-may-be"?

Crap, I'm addicted.

Anyhoooo, I think the whole purpose of this blog entry is to show you how weird I am and how I've just been procrastinating amazingly. Though I wonder who Zing Lee is. Ah-maybe he's Zinghai's cousin. OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

I think I'm having trouble focusing. I'm supposed to be typing this entry, but I'm thinking about various Oriental names now. Also, I'm thinking about shoeboxes.

^Ladies and gentlemen, that's how you procrastinate.
I'll post a better entry asap, I promise. I should probably get back to my amazing college workload and get something done.

Here's a link to my previous How To series post, which is also amazing btw.

MUCH LOVE, (Because if you still follow my blog, despite me posting only like once a century, you are seriously amazing and that word, buddy, has no pun intended, and only pure meaning filling it to the brim.)

Delhi's road etiquette.

I've spent pretty much my entire life in a third world city with all sorts of road traps and road shenanigans that have been building up this wall of anger that can never be torn down with love, but only with a bunch of bulldozers smashing into people's brains because they're STOOPID. Seriously, this is why India is losing tourists, this is why the rupee is depreciating, this is why people have bad impressions about Delhi. In fact, this is why you couldn't find your sock this morning and this is why they haven't discovered proper UFOs yet. These stupid Delhiites are the reason for any and every problem that humanity suffers from.

Disclaimer- I think I have a right to call Delhiites stupid because well, I'm a Delhiite as well. (Delhiite is such a funny word). Delhiiite. Del-hite. Delhi-ite. Kite. Dellkite. ANYWAY. I'm not calling all Delhiites stupid, but this is a blog entry based on years of experience and observation and analysis, so since I got the opportunity to really think about it, the people in this blog entry really are quite stupid. If you are one of these people, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to target you personally. I genuinely care about my city and I want to spread this awareness.

So please stop doing these things.

1) Pedestrians wearing earphones- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? LIKE, SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I'm so sorry for yelling, but this is the number one thing that pisses me off about Delhiites. I know that we are a young generation. I know that music is 'hip'. I know that we all have ipods and phones. But why, why do you have to listen to Pitbull while you're wading your way across the road, and not just any road, an Indian road?!

You know what, even the slow cows that cross the roads here are more alert than you are, because they don't have some stupid song blasting through their eardrums as they move their udders across the territory! Please, stop listening to your music, it does not make you cool. I promise, if you listen to music anywhere else, anywhere other than this cluttered city road, we will all think you're hot and ask you to date us. Also, you will remain alive. So please stop wearing earphones, it's effing stupid. Just please. Stop.


2) EVE-TEASING- WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, ARE YOU DELUSIONAL, DO YOU HAVE X-RAY VISION, DO YOU HAVE TOURETTES SYNDROME, DO YOU THINK YOU'RE MACHO? Trust me, if you have a beard and a lungi you are macho enough, you do not need to pick on the women walking around. I am sick of all the horrible cases on TV, I'm sick of sick, horny men, I'm sick of everything. Even if the women cover themselves up in duct tape, these men will continue to whistle or say anything inappropriate to them. I don't get it, do you think that makes you cool? Do you do the same to your wife/sister/mother? Are you stupid? No one wants to come to Delhi anymore because it has become India's number 1 rape capital. Isn't that great, we're number one at something, finally! -.-

Speaking of 'Number one'...


3) People urinating on the roadside-  Scene- it's a beautiful day on the Delhi-Gurgaon Expressway as vehicles glide peacefully over the smooth road. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the smell of samosas light the air, the trees are swaying gently, the man is peeing. THE MAN IS PEEING. Fresh, hot, yellow, liquid fertilization for the swaying trees as they grow taller and taller so the singing birds can sit on them and fly around the area. Suddenly everything is disgusting. FIND AN EFFING TOILET!


4) Honking at the red light signal- If you do this, you are probably color blind. If you aren't, you shouldn't be driving. Have you heard the song "STOP says the red light, GO says the green?" I'll sing it to you if you want, while we wait.

 I don't get it, there are a bunch of us in our cars, waiting for the red light to turn green, and suddenly this obnoxious car comes behind us and starts honking. What do you expect us to do, put green tinted sheet over the traffic signal and drive off putting our lives and law at stake? THE LIGHT IS RED. Please go back to elementary school if you didn't get that. If you think the light is green, why don't you drive ahead, kill yourself in an accident, and have green blood flow out of you? Ugh, stupid people.

Also, if you are honking to make the car ahead of you go a little farther while waiting for the light to turn green, you should calm down because you can't get past that traffic signal anyway till the light turns green. And don't you worry, unless you have a dying person in your car, I'm sure you will reach your destination without much more than a scratch or a broken heart or a salary cut, rather than the possible loss of your life.


5) People on bikes checking themselves out in the mirror- So while you are sitting in your car in the middle of a traffic jam, you decide to look out of the window ...and see a man trying to make a mohawk while staring at you. Little do you realize that your car window doubles as a portable mirror for everyone! Damn, you should probably start charging these people for such wonderful, portable cosmetic facilities!

When people do this to me while I'm in the car, I like to roll down my window and give them a nice stare in the face. They still might not stop though, my pupils are probably reflective enough to double as a mirror too!


6) Bikes without silencers- There are different types of loudness on a Delhi road. Some are tolerable and typical, like people talking or cars honking. But then there is one sound that thunders above all the rest, stealing the show, creating a crater in your eardrum. It's a normal bike sound multiplied by 50. Oh who said it is excess H2O that makes you drown? It is the excess sounds from a bike that makes you drown under the road. Instead of the siren sounds in ambulance, just make one of these bikes go in front of you, and they will steal the show, making everyone avoid it like the plague.


7) The paan-spitting- Ever noticed the side of a pavement or a wall? They normally are painted white or black or yellow or purple or any color. Then you notice some red patches, and you think "Wow, is this some new design?" Red patches on surfaces are usually caused due to the unending, inevitable, deadly, paan spitting. In any other part of the world, your teacher would probably berate you for spitting gum, or spitting spit, or spitting food. But do you do that in Delhi? HECK no.

All these people (I don't want to target anyone, but it's usually the autorickshaw drivers that do this) stop their rented flivvers or their flying carpets in the middle of the road, take a long, saliva-soaked breath in, and discharge a scuttle of paan-red spit that stains any and every surface it hits upon. THIS IS SO ANNOYING. Not only is it unmannerly, but it also destroys the natural or manmade beauty of things. Instead of spitting on the road, maybe you could spit in a sink nearby, or a dump, or a trashcan, or your own face. Better yet, don't even have paan, unless there is a sink nearby!


 So that's my list of grievances that has hopefully come to your attention. I think if more Delhi people will read this, at least we'll have less of these pesky annoyances. Though I doubt the autorickshaw drivers would be very interested in reading any of this, except the really interested ones. I'll probably just email this to the government then, and hope this all gets better before I'm dead :)

Much love (and road safety), 

X and O?

I'm so confused. I always thought x stands for hugs and o for kisses, but I recently heard from somewhere that it's the other way around, that x stands for kisses and o for hugs?

I'm trying to see what makes more sense.

X- could mean hug. It does look like two people embracing. Even though it would be a weird hug involving just your middle body. Could work if your feet are cemented to the floor and your avoiding each other's faces because it's too ugly and you can't be near it.

O- could be a kiss. Like a pout or a little peck.

X- could be a kiss. You know, the messy French kiss. With the tongues all zig zag.

O- could be a hug. A weird hug opposite to the first hug where you hug only one's face and legs. Oh who am I kidding, there's no way that's a hug. If you hug like that in real life, I'm sorry but that's not an o. That's 0. For zero affection-sense. Get tutored by me.

Well. The internet is still pretty weird. And I'm still confused. What do you think x and o means? Please help me!

Ps- will start legit blogging after I'm done with board exams aka done with school forgood. And please forgive typos, delays, writers block, excuses, etc.

Xoxoxoxoxo (because if you read my entries, you get a hug as well as a kiss) (v-day special, brozers)

Girls vs. Guys- Facebook accounts.

You may or may not have noticed that my blog has entered puberty. If, by any chance you happened to be accessing my blog from around 8 to 9 pm IST and tried to hit refresh, your brain would have probably melted, surged through your ear canal, and made you deaf. Not to mention brainless. If you are brainless now, I needn't bother an explanation since you wouldn't comprehend it anyway, but in case your brain is still intact and you want to know the reason nevertheless, here it is. I was deep into the process of giving my blog a makeover, and well, what you see now is the result. Look around!

I mean, I know it doesn't look as if I worked very hard. The collage of my doodles in the blog cover and the creation of the background did not take very long. But what took long was fitting those things into my blog. UGH. It was so annoying! I had to resize the picture a frazouland times in order to make the cover photo fit. And why should it fit, you ask? Guys.... I think I have OCD. Some weird, things-should-fit-and-colors-should-change kind of an OCD. I'm sure there's a term more technical for it. Giraffe. On your left, in the background.

Anyway, it's funny that I'm typing this post right now because I haven't accessed Facebook in quite some time since the beginning of exams, but I had been thinking about having an entry about this phenomenon for a while. My dear mortals, within a few years from now, babies will be born without known genders, because no one would care about the chromosomes or peer at their peepees or do an ultrasound or any such thing. Rather, I have a theory that these infants will be given a laptop and told to access facebook, and this in turn would determine their gender.

Now I know I have exaggerated, obviously. But if you think about it, there most certainly are some definite distinctions between the way the two main opposite genders access social networking sites. And yes, I am aware that I'm generalizing (just like I always do for such posts), so I hope you will keep in mind that I'm in no way trying to push you into a category or mock you for being in one, rather rainbowunicornflowersponies nuffsaid. Besides, you should be aware that I'm totally a near-perfect example of one of those girly profiles.

1) Profile Pictures- If this is a guy's profile picture-

This is probably a girl's profile picture.

I don't think that anyone can deny that most guys do, indeed, have simpler profile pictures than girls. They just feel the need to crop their face from any random tagged picture and upload it into their profiles. In fact, most of the guys I know rarely change their profile pictures or care to upload their own profile picture. If they happen to be tagged in something, they will go ahead and profile it, after doing a wonderful job of cropping, of course. 

But girls? NO WAY. I don't think you realize that cropping a picture ruins the picture's resolution, and a picture's resolution is way too important to be tampered with. Girls, in most cases, need the best quality pictures that are in no way cropping any of their essential body parts, and understand the importance of pouting because smiling just hides the cheekbones and pouting makes them more prominent. Moreover, girls feel the need to edit their pictures, to highlight themselves and the beautiful background of the most beautiful resort where they've been chilling so people know that not only are they beautiful, but also that they appreciate nature and sceneries which make them seem innocent, appreciative, and humanitarian. Or simply hot. 

2) Captions of Profile Pictures- I find that guys rarely find the need to have captions for their pictures. They may be bald with a shark chewing remnants of hair, while juggling tomatoes and yet they don't feel the need to explain their actions in a minimum of one to two words. Like, c'mon, you could've written 'yolo' or 'bau5' or something in the caption, that would've be acceptable. But nooo. 

Girls, on the other hand, have 3 main kinds of captions:

1) Song lyrics- Lyrics are basically a girl's way of saying "wow look I'm so hot and this song totally describes my hotness and you should be reading these lyrics right now and downloading that song because it is totally directed towards you and listening to this song will hopefully remind you of me (and my hotness)." 

For eg: If a girl just went through a break-up, and she wants the guy to know that she's totally over him and doesn't give a damn, she will take the hottest picture possible, edit it to make it look even hotter, crop out the toothbrush and the bathroom mirror, and upload it with the lyrics 'WE ARE NEVER EVER EVERRRR, GETTING BACK TOGETHER!' She might even call up a friend and ask her to tag her in the picture so that it comes in the newsfeed and the person-under-question sees it... and regrets seeing it. 

2) Birthday captions!- Honestly, if a girl wanted, she could've merely texted her "BFFL WHO HAS SEEN ME SNIFFLE" or "PANTIE DINOSAUR XOXO" or "JUICY SAAXBOMB" instead of writing a lengthy caption detailing all sorts of maneuvers that she has had with her "OOPID DRUNKARD" on the night she dirty danced with a man who actually turned out to be a disgusted puritan. Why do girls write such long captions, or ask their friends to write long captions for them? For you to see it, of course! Birthday captions are just a girl's way of letting others know that she is fun, has friends, and you should either totally be jealous, or you should totally hang out with her too.

3) "HI OMG YOUR SO PRETTY BUT YOU WONT UPLOAD THIS PICTURE SO I UPLOADED IT, K? KBYE. LUV YA PRETTY THANG."- Captions/eulogies written by others. Either a girl is lucky enough to have such considerate friends who are always on the lookout for hot pictures of her comrade in her laptop that is uploadable on facebook, or the girl has bribed her friends into uploading the picture for her because the girl wants to be seen to have a modest, "I-have-better-things-to-do" attitude, OR her comrade herself uploaded the picture in hopes that the girl would also do the same for her and appreciate her beauty at some point later in life.

3) Timeline- Moment of nostalgia as I almost wrote "Wall" :(

A guy's timeline is usually kind of empty. If anyone did happen to write on his wall/timeline, it would be something vague, like a link to a dexterous wrestler's muscle-building secrets with the remark "yo we gotta do this" or "thats me in 10 yrs". Or it could be a link to a video game. Or a music video that features a hot model. Or a meme. Or a link to my blog. ;D

A girl's timeline on the other hand, and especially a girl who is, say, 14-15 and moderately popular, is filled with other people. Basically, they have wall-to-wall (now, timeline-to-timeline) conversations so a girl's wall is usually beautiful, colorful, and buzzing of a wonderful social life. 

What's that, you don't have such a lovely timeline? Aw, well that's okay. I gave up on wall-to-wall long back. Eventually, people tend to get sick of facebook. I know I am, so my wall is just.... oh wait, it's a timeline now, I keep forgetting! 

4) Comments (in pictures)- It wouldn't be surprising that low resolution, cropped pictures are unlikely to get a lot of comments...

Girls, on the other hand, usually get so much attention for their pictures. Or they make sure they get attention. I mean, come on, what could be more important than the number of likes you got for your picture, eh?

When I was younger, I would tell all my friends to 'check out' my profile picture whenever I changed it. It used to be such a big deal! My friends and I would request each other to like each others' profile pictures and comment on it, because nothing seemed more important than getting likes and comments. But after a point, it just doesn't matter. 

5) Status Updates- Now, thankfully I found at least one area where guys are, more or less, active. If anything, most of the guys I know do update their statuses quite often, but again, these updates are highly subjective. But probably what I see the most on my newsfeed are UPDATES ON SPORTS. So there I am, just chillliiin, scrolling down the newsfeed, and suddenly, from around 10-11 pm, there are all these shoutouts and type-screaming and analysis of players and reprimands at their shortcomings and all these unfamiliar names and unfamiliar games.... and my head just starts to spin. Now, I'm not saying that all girls are like me (I'm such a poor example), but I rarely watch/follow sports, so I have no clue what's going on. Oh, so Ronaldo scored a basket... sorry I mean goal? Oh, so Chesterfield.. I mean Manchester United is in this season..... and that man won wrestling? That's really great, oh wait, he didn't win? You thought he'd win but he didn't? Or wait, oh he's injured? Well that's bad........ seriously, it is just super hard for me to keep up. I do try, though. Like, I sincerely tried to watch cricket and actually follow it throughout 9th/10th grade. Is it obvious that I failed?

Girls rarely update their status in vivid enthusiasm for sports. They write about either a) their mundane daily adventures, or b) songs that are basically implicit messages towards.... (surprise)... you. So I always see statuses like "Just got out of the spa with my mum..... best mother-daughter day ever!" or "just sittin' here under the tree with my sweet ol' southern boy" or "I knew you were trouble when you walked in (trouble trouble trouble)" or "I just wanna shop all dayy!!! :)))" I wouldn't be the least surprise if girls start the trend of describing the difficulties/joy of their morning poo- "Just got out of the toilet! feelin' all excreted and healthy. ran out of toilet paper tho".

Unfortunately, my statuses rarely have to do with these things. My last status was this lame desi joke that I found HILARIOUS for some reason- "Santa and Banta were feeling happy. Happy got disgusted and went away". :D :D :D (Happy is a very popular name in India)

6) SMILEYS- Honestly, I have never seen guys use smileys. Or it is all too rare. And I know I'm not using smileys right now either, but trust me, it takes SO much self control, because I've used smileys throughout my adolescence and can not imagine not using them, because I feel like without them, things can be misinterpreted. Moreover, all my female minions also use smileys, so automatically, I end up using smileys in conversations with them too. 

For eg: Consider the phrase 'wow, you're so cool.' Now, when said without a smiley, it sounds sneering, almost sarcastic. Like, that time when you were reciting to your friends about the time when you were dancing like Ke$ha wearing rollerskates and you fell, and one of your friends go like "wow, you're so cool", HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF THEY MEAN IT OR NOT, HUH? Because personally, I think that's really cool. So if I'd say 'wow, you're so cool', I'd mean it. But it could also be said in a sarcastic way like, "wow, you think you're so cool but you're not". THAT is where the smiley comes in. So if I'm online, I'd just be like "wow, you're so cool!!! :'O :')" and anyone who's sarcastic can go like "wow, you're so cool -.- " so thereyago!

Well, that's all I can think of for now. However, if you can think of more distinctive behaviors adopted by girls and guys, why don't you comment and add to my little list? I think I can't think of any more reasons because, I'll be honest, ever since I got this awesome smartphone of mine, I just never felt the need to waste time stalking others on facebook when I could be stalking even more people through other applications! Oh hey, maybe I'll include an even better entry about other applications/websites as well!

But again, I haven't completely let go of Facebook. I still think it is a great way to connect to people who live in great distance from you, see what your old friends/acquaintances are up to, allow those who don't know you very well to get to know you, and find old friends because virtually everyone has an account on facebook. What's that, you don't? That's okay too. You must be having great self control, then.

:)))))) you know, before I end this entry, I felt like sharing two epiphanies that I recently had, about my own blog entries. Firstly, I noticed that I apparently put a lot of commas in my blog entries when I'm having a writer's block, have you noticed? Maybe you should read through the posts in which I mention things like "I wrote this with a writer's block!!" to clarify this point. And secondly, I have noticed that all my entries start off good but end bad! For example, this one. And I also end up saying things completely irrelevant and different from what I initially started off saying. I think that's because these entries, with the fancy pictures and all take too long, so by the time I'm finished, it's like.... 1 AM, lol. 

I've been noticing too many things lately, hmmph. That's just weird. 

Okay, good night! 

The meaning of Year.

A few days ago when 2013 was ending, I'll be honest, I wasn't feeling very sentimental. I don't know about you, but for me, the end of a year doesn't always feel like a closure. Or a beginning, for that matter. It did when I was younger. In fact, till I was about 13, every year I would take this huge strip of paper and write WELCOME (insert year)!!! with dots and squiggles and lines and every color of the rainbow with stars and hearts and every shape imaginable. But as the years grew, I realized what a 'year' could be symbolic of. (so this is where my 'find-the-deeper-meaning' mania kicks in). 

So what exactly is a year? 

365 days? 366 if it's a leap year?

52 weeks?

One summer, long winter, an autumn, a spring, and possibly a monsoon?

A school year. August to June. Then June to August to June. 

Lifespan? If you die young, if you're a certain insect, if you're a druggie, if you're an oxygen-deprived newborn?

A few diseases, a few hesitant appointments to the dentist with the coughing old lady and the braces-adorned receptionist's teeth. 

A marriage. A relationship. A friendship. An affair. A crush. Struggle to get over someone. A long battle for divorce?

Battle for justice for someone who died. A new pizza place that eventually ran out of business.

Phases. Emotions. Happy phase, sad phase, longing phase, hyper phase, emotional phase, reflective phase.

An anniversary. Your 18th birthday. An artist's short-lived fame. An acronym that went viral.

A struggle. A war. A battle. An argument. A fear. 

Continuation of a habit. Continually trying to rid of a habit. Rehab. Recovery. Miss Manners Classes. Yoga sessions. Anger Management sessions. Medication. The prescribed time to wear your retainers.

An academic course, badminton classes, your phone before you dropped it in the toilet.

And there are many other things. But do they all begin here, this very moment? Do they all end here, at this very moment (assuming it's January 1st right now). 

Are you okay with putting so much pressure on this one teeny 24 hour-ed day right here, where you are going to end it all, end all the fear of the cold weather, end all those feelings you had for someone, end all your aspirations of becoming a pilot, end becoming an alcoholic ....begin rehab, begin reliving your life, begin letting go, begin trying harder.

For all it could mean, you could make this very day your starting and ending point for all the things I mentioned above, things that you've been dying to change for ages, things that you've overlooked. You could end it all and begin a new life right here, on this first day of this first month.... but does that mean on the eve of New Year you sit in your terrace and go like "Okay, 2 more days till I become a new person" and then wait till it's exactly 12 so you suddenly take off that purple bandanna you're wearing and replace it with a helmet? 

You don't need to wait that long. What you should realize is that, if you want, every single day, every single moment, THIS VERY MOMENT RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, could be a new beginning or an ending. It could be the beginning of a beginning or a beginning of an ending as well, if it's a process that you plan to initiate. TODAY, no wait, THIS MOMENT, THIS NANOSECOND could be the beginning of an year even if it may be like 18th of April. 

Back to why I wasn't feeling sentimental... For me, I control the day. I control when it begins, I control when it ends. If I want I could make the sun rise at 7pm and begin something. If I want I could set the sun at 10am. I could stretch the sun of my mind out into a rectangle and be like, okay sun, you're going to rise starting from this moment, and you should end rising by 5pm tomorrow. Then you can start setting and end setting within around 11 days. 

Okay, that's it for now. I'm so sleepy and again, I know I'm going to regret posting this entry when I see this in the morning/afternoon when I wake up, when I know that I myself rarely follow this wonderful advisory logic that I've just sort of put in words, that I always forget that I have the power to control the sun (of my mind, ofc), that every day can be a new beginning/ending, if I set my mind to it.

But anyway, I don't think people should take that as an excuse and stop celebrating New Year's. It's still a very cool concept.

Happy 2014! :)

Food for Thought?

Might I take a moment to acknowledge the (unrevered) fact - It's December! And you know what that means. Christmas carols, anonymous presents, and calorie gains are only subordinate to high adrenaline for it's GRADUATION YEAR next month which means you're going to, you know, die.

It is amongst all this hungama that I find time to do general mundane activities such as eating or eating in restaurants. A few days ago I went to a restaurant with my family to gnaw and gulp some endearing Indian delicacies when I noticed this interesting trend that I thought would be suitable for one of my stupid blog entries.

OMG.

So what I've horribly sketched here is the overall outline of the restaurant.....

Okay, so this is the LOL restaurant. It doesn't have to stand for Laughing Out Loud, or Lots of Love. It could stand for, say, Lecturing Objectionable Llamas. 

(That's a llama wearing a bikini smoking weed.)

(Jk. That's my desperate attempt at trying to be funny. And let's just get past this, because this is a restaurant, not llama rehab.)

So Laughing Out Llamas or Lecturing whoever, I went to this restaurant and the circle things in the diagram above represent different tables where people could sit. There were two on the left, two on the right, three in the middle, and four at the back. Note that even if I have made the three tables in the middle purple, they actually were exactly identical to their furniture friends on the sides. 

Okay so the four blue people at the entrance is me, my dadi, and my parents. So we're entering the restaurant, and we notice that 7 of the 11 tables were occupied with the little black circles (representing customers). So we look around, deciding where to sit. And without much ado, we choose the second brown table on the right. 

Then another family arrives.

After thinking for quite a bit, the new family chooses the table near the back row, which I have marked. 

Do you see the trend?

When this family chose the table near the back row, it made me wonder. Why didn't they choose the middle, or the front table? It's not like those tables were made of velociraptor skin or had thorny chairs. And it's not like the tables we chose had hot waiters enacting Glee scenes. Every freaking table in the restaurant was the same, made of the same material, and just as appealing. 

Everyone who entered that restaurant chose tables that were near other occupied tables, and out of direct view so that when someone would enter and their eyes go straight to the center, it would meet the seclusion of a desolate, empty purple table that no one really thought of occupying. 

Now before you begin brandishing your opinion of my absurdity here, I know what I'm saying here is also pretty stupid. Firstly, who is weird enough to notice such things, forget making an entry about it? Moreover, this 'trend' that I have noticed is not applicable in every scenario, because I have definitely seen people choosing tables that may be beyond the solar system. 

But don't you think this sort of scene does happen once in a while? And maybe there is some explanation for it?

This, my beloved reader(s), arises from our general human tendency of conformity. I tried to Google this phenomenon but I could find none underlining my allegations of conformity in restaurants, so I'll remind you that this is just me rambling and straying away from any possible facts that I may or may not have overlooked. So don't count my little theory as the one and only, and possibly as the accurate, because, you know, I'm just thinking.... 

None of us really like to stand out. I mean, when everyone at a party wears formal wear because it's the dress code, you don't just barge in in your panda costume (hopefully) (but this could totally happen if you're the girl in Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging). When all your friends like a person, you also try to like the person and notice the good qualities in them. As much as you may deny, as hard as you may try to 'stand out' and be different, at the end of the day, there are some things, as minor as they may be, that make you conform, and this little restaurant scenario is just one of them. 

Both our families did not choose the tables in the center, because well, as blatantly as we may try to deny, we didn't really fancy standing out or be in perfect view for everyone to enjoy watching us wipe butter chicken off our nose, or pull out strands of our hairs from our mouth while eating. Besides, the human tendency to seek contact and be near others similar to us is a given, innate quality and well, I guess we are more comfortable being around people like us, with their flawed eating styles so if someone were to enter the restaurant and judge us, he/she wouldn't just look at us, but also everyone around us, and would probably conclude that this restaurant indeed is Llama Rehab and walk out. So if you're eating like a reckless hominid, your wacky eating habits will be covered by the wackier eating styles of your hominid comrades sitting in tables surrounding yours.

Actually, if you think about this whole conformity thing, it can be dated further back to something totally unrelated yet equally intriguing.

So I have been tweezing my eyebrows since I was 12, then I started getting them done properly since 9th grade. Now, why do I get them done? Because well, it is given that having thin eyebrows supposedly make you prettier and more presentable. And why is it 'given'? Because, well, everyone around me gets their eyebrows done and tries to advocate this practice. 

But if I think about it, like really think, I would jolly well love to just not get my eyebrows done. It is annoying, painful, and makes me visit the parlor 800 times a month when I would much rather stay home in my Extra Extra Extra Large Tshirt, sprawled on the couch. 

But I still go. And I still have thin eyebrows.

However, thin eyebrows weren't always the trend.

So this is Shyama, a Bollywood actress of the 1950s, and as you can see, she has thick eyebrows. This shows that okay, maybe not all our lovely ladies of the 50s had thick eyebrows, but surely, it was a trend at some point- maybe when your grandmother's grandmother was conceived- but it was a trend nevertheless. Then sometime between India's converting from Kurtas to Jeans, eyebrows went from thick to thin. I saw my friends getting their eyebrows done thin, so I also started getting them done thin. 

Now you ask, how in the world/why in the world did I bring eyebrows into the restaurant/llama rehab?

Well, both these cases are similar because they show that as human beings, we tend to go along with the crowd and do what everyone else is doing. We try not to create a scene. But you know, again I'm just being general. Because personally, I would LOVE to stand out, and that's what I always try to do. 

Anyway, I leave it to you to decide whether this whole entry that I have just finished typing with this throbbing writer's block makes sense or not. Meanwhile, I think I'm going to catch up on my sleep. 

One more thing though- Lately, I have been obsessed with WWYD videos on Youtube. These videos show how human beings sometimes choose to break free of the notion of conformity, which results in some really heartening beautiful incidents that give me hope for human beings. So I would highly recommend you watch these videos. Not unproductive at all, I promise.

Much love (and heavy droopy eyes), 

Protect cows from firecrackers.

Lately, I have been wondering of the fate of the movie industry had I entered as Bella and starred in Twilight...
Robert Pattinson would not have the privilege of co-starring with me. In fact, a mosquito would deservedly replace him.

Okay, so maybe this love saga will be a little different, because the mosquito would be female, not have even 1/1000000th the looks of Pattinson, and make me itch with pleasure. So much pleasure, that I would go Diwali shopping to buy a backscratcher, instead of a new anarkali. (The backscratcher was on sale- 15 % off!!!!!!)  

That said, I must say I CAN'T WAIT FOR DIWALI! No, I'm not talking about the firecrackers. Or the ladoos. Or the sweet aunties who bring you little presents that you are forced to acknowledge. Or the smell of incense from all the prayers. Or the dressing up and posing for your peeps' instagrams. Or well, anything. 

I am actually looking forward to the abolishment of mosquitoes. 

I mean, it's not like I'm always a boring person who sits at home and laments about the sound of firecrackers bombarding my eardrums or the smoky air suffocating living and nonliving things. But unfortunately, I think the burden of experience has made me so. I just... I don't know, I don't find Diwali that amusing anymore. Ever since I had been little, I had held firecrackers in my hands and leapt with joy when they would burst before my eyes. I had gawked at the pretty lights covering my neighborhood balconies and loved the whole festivity that Diwali brings. But now, I'm not that amused. For me, the only part that I like about Diwali is, well of course, the mosquitoes that die because of the firecrackers, and also that Diwali serves as an excuse for me to call up people who I haven't spoken to in a while. 

Now, I know the kind of conversation you are expecting.

"Hey! Happy Diwali!!!"

"OMGG HIII OMGGG WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN IN SO LONG WHERE ARE YOU???"

"HAHAHA OMG I KNOW RIGHT?! I AM IN DELHI WHERE ARE YOU???"

"I AM IN BHUTAN OMG THIS IS CRAZY"

"I KNOW LIKE YOU ARE TALKING ALL THE WAY FROM BHUTAN AND I'M LIKE IN DELHI. YOU NEED TO COME BACK BRO"

"I WANNAA! DO YOU STILL WEAR BRACES??"

"NO. DO YOU STILL HAVE A UNIBROW?"

"NOPE! OMGG YOU MUST BE LIKE SO HOT RIGHT NOW"

"I KNOW RIGHT I AM HOT YOU MUST BE CRAZY HOT TOO MAN!"

"COME HOME DUDE LET'S HANG OUT I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU!!!"

"OKAY I'LL COME!! CAN I BRING YOU SOMETHING? GREEN PEAS?"
"OMGGG I LOVE GREEN PEAS!"
"SRSLY?!? ME TOO!!!!"

"SRSLY?!?! WE ARE TWINS WHO GOT SEPARATED AT BIRTH!"

"AAAH CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU AND SHARE DNA!"

But unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way.

"Hey! Happy Diwali!!!"

"Um, thanks. Who is this btw?"

"Oh. My bad. It's me, Songbird!!"

"Son-ohhh yes! Songbird, of course! Hi! :)"

"Hi! How is your Diwali going?"

"It's nice!"

"It's nice? That's great!"

"Yeah!"

"Heh."

"Hm."

"Ha."

*awkward pause that lasts 3 seconds but feels like eternity*

"Hmm, well I have to go now. I am late for my cloth-wringing class."

"Hmm, even I'm late for my cloth-wringing class. I should also go."

"Okay bye!"

"Bye -.-"

You know what they say... Feeling someone's absence makes you fonder, or something. Well, sometimes, it just makes conversations awkward. I mean, honestly, I used to have loads of 'best friends' when I was younger, but eventually, I lost contact with most of them. Some of my friends grew up to become cow worshipers, others became cow eaters; some of them milk cows, whilst others use them as means of transport. (I visited a hilly town last week and there were cows everywhere there, so.. sorrzies xo) And when you are expected to speak to these people after years, things are bound to get awkward. Especially if you don't regularly speak to them and have absolutely no clue about who they are, or what they are like, or if they even remember you.  

Oh well. At least some of my friends are still the same. At least some of me is still the same. 

Unfortunately, the mosquitoes won't change. But they will be gone, at least for a few months! :D 

(Hope you found the 2 twilight and 1 mosquito references)

Oh, and by the way, you should protect cows from firecrackers. They really freak out when you go near them with a phooljhadi. Actually, not just cows. Even dogs freak out. But I knew this one dog who actually enjoyed firecrackers. His name was Rocky, and he belonged to my friend's uncle. But still, not all cows or dogs are the same and must be protected. 

Great, I'll stop now.  

Happy Diwali (it's on the 3rd)! 

The waiter who dropped the food.

Aah, I have a terrible writer's block since I haven't been writing in so long, so plz bear with me.

Hey there, middle-aged waiter with distressed look, scurrying about nervously. What's that, your badge says 'Monu' but your actual name is Jayadarshan Merkuku? They made you change it because it sounds too grand?                                                                                                                                                                                                   Your hair is graying, and you squint at the tiny letters on the menus you bring for your customers. You seem more than desperate to do the job right, however, it can easily be made out waitering isn't quite your skill. You seem too old to be doing the job part-time to collect enough summer job money to visit your girlfriend in Meerut, and too young to be an arrogant humbug slamming menus on tables to earn enough money for a pack of cigarettes.                                                                                                                                                               Middle-aged Monu, did you ever think you'll be a waiter at a first class restaurant in a third world country, accustoming your aching eardrums with the melody of profanities from your employers? 

Let's face it, Monu. Your meek self isn't fit for the steady restaurant business with its mean-looking employers combing their thick mustaches while lifting cash instead of weights with their left hands. Those employers gleam with pride at their owner buddies and say Yeh toh baayen haath ka khel hain, bhai (This task is so simple that it can be done with your left hand), and sneer at you, as your knees tremble. 

But Monu, is it your fault? You have 3 kids and a baby to feed at home, and your wife is sick and tired of scouring the whole village for food. Your hair is oily and sickening due to the lack of the usage of latest hair products <did you guys hear of Beer Shampoo?>, but yet work you must. You have to pocket that meager salary and go to the chai dukaan (tea shop) to buy bread and butter for your family. 

You are scared, dead scared of losing this job, because who wants unskilled, inexperienced people like you, especially in the allegedly fastest developing country in the world? You are just a tiny plant in the middle of the road- either get run over, or grow into a giant tree. Your tiny village failed to educate you, and your children are compulsorily being sent to government schools where they come home with a bruised lip and scarred brain by their corporal punishment followers, aka teachers.

Monu, uff, what's that? You dropped the food as you scurried towards the waiting customers? And what now, you received your manager's foot in return for your obviously unacceptable and disrespectful behavior? Tsk tsk, you are so bad, Monu.                                                                                                                                                     After all, Monu, don't you know it's bad manners to get your personal life involved in your professional life? Do your employers know, do your employers care if you lose your job? Do your employers care if you are shooed away whenever you seek work elsewhere? Do you think they will sympathize? You are only a burden to the restaurant. Quit before they fire you, live like a vagabond if you have to.

Ohh, Monu, can you please stop crying now? Losing those fluids will only make you thirsty- where will you drink water from? Through the dirty taps at the side of the roads, right next to the carefree peeing man and the mooing cow? You know what? I'll give you an advice. Go stand in the middle of the road. But wait! Not so quick. Don't be stupid now, get your family to stand with you! What are they to do if you get run over? And you know what, that is not enough. Call all your friends, all your relatives, all those around you that you see suffering. Now see, all you poor and ugly people, plant yourself in the middle of the road. What's that, a BMW is racing full speed towards you? Well, don't you bother, trust me on this, stand right there.

Fellow humanity lovers, do you see what happened here? Those beggars got run over, but their corpses remain. And now there is a giant tree with red leaves instead of that sapling that once stood there. Commuters obviously have a lot of trouble now. They will have to drive around the tree, and plans are being carried out to have that giant, shaming tree cut from the middle of the road. After all, that is the venue of the latest, most gorgeous *world class* race course. That tree is a barrier, it is ugly, disturbing, and completely unnecessary. So let's just cut it off, huh?

I live in a third world country, and probably only the residents of my country can understand the deep politics and development errors going on right now. Maybe it is not relatable to everyone. Maybe, I exaggerated a bit. However, you must agree that there is some relevance beneath the shade of that bloody tree I have made. India, I freakin' love you, you are such a beautiful country, but you are forgetting something very important. Being 'developed' does not mean race courses and five star hotels. Of course, that is part of the picture, but part of it is also eradicating the little problems in life that we overlook. Today itself, I witnessed a distressed waiter dropping the food at the restaurant and getting an air of profanities from the manager. Of course, he never got beat up. But ever heard of mutual respect, and some understanding?

And to my first-world readers, this is very much relevant to daily life as well. Most of us are constantly in a race to be the best, to reach the highest goals, the highest paths. That's when we overlook certain little things, get demoralized a little, because, of course, don't we all have our own problems too, to look at other peoples' problems? Towards our struggles to success, we push down a lot of people, and some of them are people we never intended to hurt. Though class difference is a more prevalent problem in India, discrimination is world wide. There is a difference between having a bad day and a bad life. Monu's employers had a bad day, but to Monu, his actions were completely the results of a bad life. Do you think Monu loves his job?

Again, due to class difference, in India, waitering is not considered a good job. It is not the same as your typical summer job, people become disrespected waiters out of desperation. But is this where we want to head? Is this what we want our children, our grand children, and our great grand children to go through as well? A whole legacy of shame and bloody trees?

Aah, I could go on and list a whole bunch of problems with this country, all the skepticism of India as a developing country. I could go on about humanity, and I could vaguely describe the disgust and awe I feel juxtaposed in the newspaper, which I have gotten sick of reading these days, just btw. I see a lot of Indian bloggers around me blogging away about corruption, rape, politics, poverty, and every root of India's problems and the slumping value of the Rupee against the dollar, the shattered hopes of students wanting to study abroad, and the absolutely non-affected rich along with the poor too worried about feeding their empty stomachs to think about the sensex and Aam Aadmi Party.

Aaah, I'm so sleepy. I promise you though, the next blog entry will hopefully be much more cheerful, haha. 

Quick inspiration, woot!

Okay, I'm immensely sorry for this short and scrabby little blog post, I really don't have time these days because I have exams going on.

BUT, This is important.

First of all, I LOVE MY READERS!!!!! Thank you so much for making the 'Talk to me' section a hit. I'm impressed, I mean, I hadn't even boasted about this new privilege where you, my anonymous reader, can actually communicate with me and send me messages, and already I've been getting so many messages (too shy to say 'fan mail' *major blushes*) teehee! In fact, I have included information about it in my new and updated FAQ, so check it out! 

I have literally spent the last few days fangirling. Thank you for giving me the privilege of burning a few calories by jumping too much. And my heart is fluttering. 

And for those who haven't messaged me yet, PLEASE DO!!! Your messages are what keeps me going! Let me know anything you feel like sharing/constructive criticism/random nonsense/topic for next blog entry/ANYTHING. Talk to me is on the LEFT of this very post, just scroll up a little, you'll find it! :D

Another reason for my fluttering heart and the moisture filling up my eyes is THIS. First Indian-American Lesbian Wedding. Go ahead, check out the pictures. I don't know about you, but this is truly beautiful. 

You can find the pictures here. 

I mean, seriously, I have no words. I actually have tears in my eyes, this is the most beautiful thing that I have seen all day. I'm sure you, as an individual, may have your own opinions on such a vastly debated topic such as lesbian marriage, but for me, personally, this evokes such strong feelings that I am literally not being able to shut myself and/or stop making ambiguous statements such as claiming to be speechless and then blabbering like an idiot. 

Let me begin by saying that those pictures are BEAUTIFUL. And so are the women in them. You can see the love they have for each other in their eyes, and that, my reader, is what love is. Defying boundaries constructed by society which confined you to whatever hypocritical jail of the mind you are forced to reside in, and breaking free and winning everyone's heart along. Now, this beautiful couple took a leap and stood up for what they believed it. They love each other, and they didn't give up. Of course they had some amazing support from their family, but definitely, their strength of decision united them. They knew what they want and went for it, full speed! And lookie there, they look so happy!

If you look carefully at the pictures, and take a peek at the background, you will notice so much diversity; it literally just makes my heart dance. People from all over the world, immigrants, Americans, Indians, wherever, unified in that one occasion, some of them were even dressed in Indian clothing, and man do they look stuh-ning!! You see, these are the kinds of things that make me hopeful. Maybe there is something called 'true love' and maybe love actually doesn't have boundaries. Shannon and Seema have lately been a hit all over the Internet and if I'm even a little late, I only have regrets. They are the epitome of TRUE LOVE, GUYS. True freakin true love. 

Seriously, those two have inspired me so much. And I just had to share it.

Just beautiful. 

Okay, I'm done now. I'm going back and studying, sigh.
Much much love, 

Ohemjeeez its ray-ning!

O-mi-goshhhh luk guyzzzz da rainzzz r hurrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! funzyyy puddalz evry-wear ma feeets r wettyzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so soz. But I just felt like posting a blog entry just for the sake of posting a blog entry coz I ain't got no time fo dese stuffs aaj kal :'( 

....why am i talking lyk dis.................

OMG...........................

I can't think of anything else to say, so I'm just going to comment on the weather. It's raininggg! It rains pretty much all the time. That's what I love about India, we have a separate season JUST for the rains. I love the sound of thunder and rain smashing against the earth. Yes, there are a gazillion interesting looking insects around, but the rain sort of makes up for it. Yeah.

PS- My phone's confiscated so I've been going insane due to lack of socializing. im goinsasininaasaneee :'((( plzz hav pitzz. This blogpost has hopefully assured you that I'm alive. Because idk, my laptop mite get confiscated too soon, hu noes :( in case it does, I'll promise to sneak to post a blog entry in some way and please your starved senses. 

Oh, and since I have nothing better to type, you might as well enjoy this little cartoon I had made.

Mch luvzz xoxo ({}) -idk if i made it right

Why we love The Medical Industry.

What's that? Every non-MBBS person wants me electrocuted?
Well, please keep your homicidal tendencies aside and note that I'm being sarcastic.

My past week had been an endless dosage of trips to the hospital, and the grim presence of needles, tubes, and white sheets triggered the idea to dedicate this blog post for our wonderful, hardworking, cheerful doctors. Now, if you are a doctor, please don't kill me, after all, I'll have to come to you to save my life anyway. Besides, doctors are human beings too! You fall sick as well, so I'm sure we all have our little tales of The Doctorate Effect to recite. And I know I'm generalizing, but I'm sure every successful Youtuber, and every successful doctor-related pages on Facebook would agree that generalizing can be so much fun.

1) Hold your breaths- If ever I am blindfolded and taken to a hospital, I would instantly recognize the place. Why? Because it smells so goddamn terrible! Medicines and sterilized floors are not my idea of the best air freshener. If I wasn't ill, now I definitely am, because I'm choking in the merciless aura of disinfectant. In fact, I have a theory that doctors advise people to use this odor to deliberately make us sick so they can make a lot of money by treating us.

2) White everywhere!- I don't get it, am I in a Tide Detergent advertisement? Or did some magical color monster decide to suck the color out of everything? Would it kill you to use a pretty flowery bedsheet? Preferably with polka dots and smileys? Why does everything have to be white?!

3) Sneeze-dryer- You are stuck waiting for the graceful presence of your doctor in a room with a zillion rotten chairs and sick people. Why, you could open a freakin beauty parlor with the number of sneezes blowing through your hair! And that one moment when you decide to drain your bladder, the doctor calls your name but doesn't matter if you rush out with toilet paper on your shoe, someone else had already gone instead, and now you have to wait for another 4839676 hours before you can have your turn.

4) The Doctor language- Honestly, doctors should stop working in hospitals and become language scientists or whatever it is called. Because I have no clue what they are talking about!
What the doctor said: How many motions did you pass today? Having any hard stools?
My answer: Well uh, doc I used motion to walk into your office, and no, your stool is quite comfortable.
What the doctor meant: So how many times did you poop today?
Seriously, what am I supposed to say!? I don't know about you, but I have never heard anyone use the phrase "hard stools". I mean, imagine people talking like that in a normal conversation. "Hey man, how was your poo?" "Oh, the motion was okay but the hard stools made the excretion uncomfortable."

Crap. I can't stop laughing. iuwerhuierhhjahahhahahahhahaha

5) The Beautiful handwriting- Does that say 'antibiotics' or 'potato'? You go like "Hmm, that looks like 'potato'", and you go home, have very nice servings of potatoes, and fart in your doctors face when he blames you for misreading. (Potatoes cause flatulence, in case you didn't know)

God, why can't I stop using poop references?!!!?! oh godddd stoppp

6) The bazillion tests- So you've been having a little hand cramp for a few days and you go to the doctor hoping he will tell you to get a hand massage or something, so you can take a day off from your school/work with your little prescription and chill in a Thai spa.  But noooo! You suddenly are being told to get a blood test, a urine test, an endoscopy, a colonoscopy, an IQ test, and an ultrasound. I know it is always safe to get everything checked, but seriously, I don't understand how my uterus and the cramp on my hand is related. Would the ultrasound decide that my 'hard stools' are magically causing this weird pressure on my nerves which travels all the way to my hands and I'll be in labor through my hand when I'm thirty? What is this sorcery?!

7) The lying nurses- So there you are, laid out on a bed like a lab rat, waiting for your semi-conscious surgery. You look at the nurse with dilated eyes and ask "Will this hurt", and she says "Not one bit." And the next thing you know, this whole bunch of people are choking you on some tube going down your throat and you're screaming with pain and you look at that nurse who lied to you, and her face is suddenly a very nice troll face.

8) The overly frank doctors- But sometimes, you need to be lied to, so that you won't die of shock or elope with another patient or whatever. "Hey doc, will I survive?" "I am afraid not. You will die the death of a filthy dog ran over by a herd of ballerina elephants." And then you're like "WHAT?! How much time do I have?!" "The time I take to eat a Big Mac when I'm starving." Suddenly, you're looking for that nurse who lied to you that time.

9) The moments before surgery- There you were, laid down on the bed like a lab rat as usual, freaking out as hell, and suddenly there are doctors stuffing things into your mouth, giving you random shots, whacking your butt, covering you in sheets, and you're just staring at them. One of the doctors try to ease the situation by asking you about your school life and you are left with the futile attempts of trying to speak through the mouthguard and squinting at the bright light wrecking your retinas. Does he not know it is bad manners to assume that I'm mean when I struggle to reply as he punches my voicebox? And it doesn't even matter if you had started your nice recital of how your best friend lost her fake eyelash when she tried out for soccer at school, because suddenly, there's blackness. There goes the mystery story of the MIA eyelash and the sorrow of my comrade in the unfinished sentence before the knockout of general anesthesia.

10) The loud patients- So after the surgery, as your sedation is wearing off and you feel like a drunk junkie, you hear a groan every 2 minutes and realize there is a person on the bed next to you with one eye covered with an eye patch, a hairy leg reaching for the stars, clad in a brilliant and sickening white of a billion plasters and bandaids. But I won't deny that I myself have been the annoying neighbor patient a couple of times. I was told that I, too, groaned and said some nonsense about how I devotedly fancied touching beaks of penguins (I have never touched a penguin's beak, let alone any beak before and I so don't know why I said that), and something about beak restoration movement.

11) The pills- When you visit your doctor again, he gives you a whole list of pills with wacky names and schedules in his oh so beautiful handwriting, and bids you farewell (after whacking your butt one more time, of course). Ah, just what I wanted. Isn't it the best way to enjoy your meals? 2 pills before eating a parantha, 3 after eating, and 1 when you have eaten roughly 25% of your food.  And what's that, I realize that I'll miss the smell of sterilized floors and medicines when I walk out? Oh, don't you worry about that, with the amount of pills you are given, you could advertise for hospital air fresheners!

12) And then when you get home- Just as you were about to walk out the door, the doctor yells "OH AND BTW. I HAVE CUT OUT A BIT OF YOUR LARGE INTESTINE FOR RESEARCH". Perfect. Now you can go home and have rather pleasant nightmares about the hole in your digestive system and the joy of wondering if some of your poo will go into your kidney and liver as well.

But even if we loathe them, when you're lying there, all well and alive and that once khadoos doctor is smiling down at you, you know they are white-coated phoenixes who heal with blades instead of tears. I mean, I can't even imagine how these people can be in the depressing rooms of a hospital, fixing your body up like fixing your TV, for I, with even a meager sight of blood, would totally faint and probably drool inside the patient's opened up body. So kudos to you, doc! And here's your patient, signing out. 

"Go On".

I was awake tonight instead of sleeping, because of this TV show. It's called "Go On", and I had heard about it before, but never really got around to seeing it. From what I've gathered, it's about this guy who loses his wife, yet hallucinates her presence and that keeps him sort of sane and insane at the same time. He misses her all the time, yet, he knows that he must move on, for his own health. It made me wonder, why is this show with such a tragic story considered so comical? (it was coming on Comedy Central) Is the 'moving on' part supposed to be funny? Is it wholly funny, or sadly funny, because come on, the guy's lost his wife, he can't really function properly without her. Is it funny because he is such a fail without her, and is the show trying to point out the meaning of a soul mate? Or is the show funny because of funny things completely unrelated to the death of his wife, and is the show trying to point out how insane and unreliable humans are? Or some mysterious third option that is blatantly pointing out my foolishness because of my overthinking brain? Either ways, I'm confused, and this is haunting me.

We try to move on all the time, I don't think this is applicable to just relationships, it's just something you come across life all the time. And it's not easy. But it is essential. Unless something can be done to undo the need to move on. And if that something is possible, you should run full speed towards it, and grab that thing that you've been having trouble letting go of. If it is unattainable, perhaps in an imaginary unattainable place, you have to let it go, and well, "go on".

I think this is a great show. It makes me think when I'm not supposed to think and supposed to simply laugh at the funny scenes. The topic they picked is just very curious, that's all.

Oh, look at the time. I'm probably going to whack myself in the head in the morning for posting when I'm half unconscious. But hey, I didn't make any spelling/grammatical errors!

Yours truly, 

When you can't sleep....

So before I start my blabbering, let me just enlighten you by erasing your doubts concerning my blog's new look, yes, I gave my blog a makeover. For those who don't care and trying to convince me that the applause I just heard was actually the sound of you flushing the toilet.. well... <insert intimidating threat>

Anyhoo, summer is here. You know what that means. No.. not tap-dancing or graffiti-ing your country, those activities are subjective. I'm talking about messed up sleeping patterns. School's out, college's out, work's.. well, you can always take a leave, I guess? But the point is, one of the best things about summer vacations is none other than getting to sleep. There are some who stay up all night, and sleep throughout day, and there are some of us who sleep from 9am-10am, then again from 5pm-1am, or whatever wacky schedule you have organized for yourself.

But then there comes the one day you suddenly have to wake up before 2pm. Maybe you have to attend an important meeting discussing the banning of #hash#tags, maybe you're a plant and need sunshine for photosynthesis, or maybe you were just plain sick of those countless reprimands from your parents regarding your flattering sleeping habits. Either ways, some day or the other, you have to wake up early. So regretfully, you go to sleep at 10.

11 PM


"The dinner was pretty good."
"I should probably wax."
"Can't believe she is dating him."
"I should go shopping."
"Man, I miss my old school."
"I hate this pillow cover."
"Did a mosquito just bite me? Or was that an ant?"
"I should study more."

2 AM

"My AC sounds like a washing machine."
"Will I look good in dreadlocks?"
"Why can't I sleep?"
"I wonder what xyz is doing right now."
*slips into imaginary situation with xyz*

"Aah, I have such a terrible life!"
"I wanna go back in tiiime"
"That Brampton girl was unbelievably racist"
"What if I get leukemia?"
"omgg i had a headache yesterday... that's a symptom"
"That reminds me. I need to look up 'asymptote' or some word like that... I saw it somewhere"
"Why doesn't he/she like me?!!!?!"
"Not all atheists are scientists"
"My physsics teacher had a tattoo omgg"
"MIND- SHUT UP! I WANT TO SLEp. sLeeeeeeeep. im soo slepey "
"I sholud dowlnoad msic"

3:21 AM

"this stupdi pillow is ruinig my lfie"
"IO WANT OT BE A BEAARS SO I HIBERNEATE"
"i... i'm gonna pop some scashh.... huntinn... come up... i look incrediBUL im in this bigass coat"
"Peeeh, pe pe, pepepepe PE!!!!! Kaun banega crorepati!!!!"
"I'm so useless. I can't do the split/"
"sugar.... nee neeed sugar"

"Crap. I need to pee."
"No, I should probabkblyt hold it or i may feel like peeing every night at thtihis time"
"what if I were elastic"
"omgg!!" *replays scene from Scary Movie 3 in head*
"ccccccccccollege. no, i don't need to think about thaat"

4:47 AM


"What ..si happegnin?! the beds getting vertical...."
"the apocalypse is here..!"
"har ghadi... badal rahi hain"
"frrrrr frr pigeon frrrr frrr"

6:00 AM

"o"
...

When I was in the 5th grade, our teachers had asked us to bring a scroll of paper from home with our new year resolutions written on it, and make it as pretty as possible. So I sat down with some paint and scribbled "I will improve my Sleeping Habits" in big letters and brought it to school. The teacher put all our resolutions up on the board and we vowed to follow them. However, it's been around 7 years and my sleeping habits haven't improved, unfortunately. They have gotten worse, I think.
Oh well. 

Tom, Dick and Harry.

Projects are stressful, annoying, and most importantly, BORING. Especially when you have one due RIGHT before your vacations.

By the time June arrives, you realize that it won't rain cats and dogs anymore, and you're sweating like a pig. You also realize that the 'A' you have been aiming for is a dime in the dozen, and you are simply a drop in the bucket. So you decide it'll be cool if you just include loads of diagrams in your project, after all, a picture is worth a thousand words. However, later when reality screams that you're against the clock, you realize that you're simply adding fuel to the fire, and nothing is a piece of cake anymore.

So you follow the lead of every other Tom, Dick, and Harry, and go offtrack.

Lol.

...So are you freaked out yet by my oh so many idiomatic references? Idk why, but these days they just come naturally to me. "So Ramona, you just came to school out of the blue! I thought you were sick as a dog!"

Well, the dog days of summer are here, my friend. Before you think that I should be moved to a funny farm, I shall begin my graveyard shift. Okay, that's not making sense anymore. Wait. I mean, that's all Greek to me now. Haha. Crap. I can't stop. Make it stop. STAHHP. Agh.

Okay, so the point is, WIKIPEDIA IS AWESOME AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DWEEBS THINK. When I was younger, I was told by my teachers that Wikipedia is unreliable and has stuff that may not be edited properly. So we weren't allowed to list that in our bibliographies, or just use Wikipedia in general. 

But I beg to differ. 

In fact, my laptop also begs to differ. 

I mean, just now when I typed "wikipedia" it corrected me saying it should be "Wikipedia" instead. I mean, gawwh, look at the amount of respect (W)ikipedia's getting, you wackos! 

It is so easy to find everything you need in Wikipedia. A blink of an eye, and voila! From the history to contemporary to major events to death to everything- it's all in one place, that's what I love about Wikipedia. And if you're so picky about references, you should notice those tiny hyperlink-able numbers they have above each alleged fact that takes you to that particular reference page. And if you're still gonna be picky, you can always suggest a reference, and someone will always heed you. 

To show my support, I have actually made this little tribute-thingy for Wiki. (don'tjudge)

But again, that's not the point. 

The point is, Tom, Dick and Harry. I was reading someone's wordpress which had some eco info, when suddenly I saw the guy mention something like "every Tom, Dick, and Harry knows that". Then I remembered someone's mom on Facebook had also mentioned "Tom, Dick and Harry" on some comment somewhere (I have a weird memory), and it struck me. Why is everyone so obsessed with Tom, Dick and Harry? 

Keeping the school-girl snickers aside on the name in the middle, I did some research. (This is the part where I got distracted and bored of researching eco). 

I encountered.... a.... (guesss) ....(drumroll)... WIKIPEDIA PAGE! And guess what? It had everything I was looking for. Don't believe me? Here, take a look.

Then my mind once again flashbacked to my SAT textbook. Princeton Review brings up a fictional character called "Joe Bloggs" who is an average teenager who gets average grades. And I found out that, just like TD&H, JB (not Justin Bieber) also is a similar reference term that has been in use since.. well... a long time.

Another interesting fact I learned is the name sequence. It so happens that the English people apparently use a word sequence in which the shortest word comes first, and the longest word comes last, hence Tom (which is the shortest) comes first, and Harry (which is the longest and has more syllables) comes last! I had NEVER noticed that before, I mean why do people usually say "tall, dark and handsome"? 

But of course, I wanted more examples. I tried thinking of more, but all I could remember was Forever 21 (For-ev-er Tw-en-ty-one.) And that also doesn't really count if you don't count 'tw' as one syllable. So that was disappointing. However, I shall be on lookout. 

Besides my word woes, I also found out that there was one.. actually 2 movies by the same name.

1) Tom, Dick and Harry (1941)- Couldn't find a proper trailer, but oh well, here's a Wikipedia(!) (which is at least more detailed that imdb actually), click here

2) A Bollywood (am I surprised -.- ) movie. Found a trailer. (because blogger is moodswinging and not letting me properly upload the video to my blog). 

Maybe there are more. But I think that's enough for now. 

Tom, Dick and Harry, I also learned, were rather common names in the 17th century. But these days, how often you encounter a guy named "Dick", let alone Tom or Harry? In fact, I have a theory that after the success of Harry Potter, parents were probably too scared to name their children Harry, because then people may compare him to Harry Potter, giving the child inferiority issues (because Harry Potter is kinda unbeatable). 

Sorry, just felt that^ image is appropriate.

And maybe the same happened to Tom, after Tom Riddle. Or maybe Tom and Jerry. And Dick? If that's your name, you must be a really, really brave guy. Btw, you should check out dick figures. Totally unrelated to what we're talking about here, but go ahead, just look it up on youtube, funniest videos ever. 

But also, on the other hand, if your name actually is Tom, Dick, Harry, or maybe Joe Bloggs, you know I didn't mean to hurt you in any way! If I did, I offer my sincerest apologies. At least you should be happy that your names are pretty much representing the human race. Why do you think people always say (or used to say) "every Tom, Dick, and Harry out there"? That's right, you freakin world conquerors! 

Well, on an ending note, I know that you may think that I'm a blessing in disguise, but actually, I'm just a leopard who can't change her spots. Now if you will please excuse me, I'm going to go eat like a pig, and I'll try to keep in mind that you are what you eat. 

Oh god, I'm never gonna get over this xD 

See ya later alligator.  (It's a song!!!!)