Protect cows from firecrackers.

Lately, I have been wondering of the fate of the movie industry had I entered as Bella and starred in Twilight...
Robert Pattinson would not have the privilege of co-starring with me. In fact, a mosquito would deservedly replace him.

Okay, so maybe this love saga will be a little different, because the mosquito would be female, not have even 1/1000000th the looks of Pattinson, and make me itch with pleasure. So much pleasure, that I would go Diwali shopping to buy a backscratcher, instead of a new anarkali. (The backscratcher was on sale- 15 % off!!!!!!)  

That said, I must say I CAN'T WAIT FOR DIWALI! No, I'm not talking about the firecrackers. Or the ladoos. Or the sweet aunties who bring you little presents that you are forced to acknowledge. Or the smell of incense from all the prayers. Or the dressing up and posing for your peeps' instagrams. Or well, anything. 

I am actually looking forward to the abolishment of mosquitoes. 

I mean, it's not like I'm always a boring person who sits at home and laments about the sound of firecrackers bombarding my eardrums or the smoky air suffocating living and nonliving things. But unfortunately, I think the burden of experience has made me so. I just... I don't know, I don't find Diwali that amusing anymore. Ever since I had been little, I had held firecrackers in my hands and leapt with joy when they would burst before my eyes. I had gawked at the pretty lights covering my neighborhood balconies and loved the whole festivity that Diwali brings. But now, I'm not that amused. For me, the only part that I like about Diwali is, well of course, the mosquitoes that die because of the firecrackers, and also that Diwali serves as an excuse for me to call up people who I haven't spoken to in a while. 

Now, I know the kind of conversation you are expecting.

"Hey! Happy Diwali!!!"

"OMGG HIII OMGGG WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN IN SO LONG WHERE ARE YOU???"

"HAHAHA OMG I KNOW RIGHT?! I AM IN DELHI WHERE ARE YOU???"

"I AM IN BHUTAN OMG THIS IS CRAZY"

"I KNOW LIKE YOU ARE TALKING ALL THE WAY FROM BHUTAN AND I'M LIKE IN DELHI. YOU NEED TO COME BACK BRO"

"I WANNAA! DO YOU STILL WEAR BRACES??"

"NO. DO YOU STILL HAVE A UNIBROW?"

"NOPE! OMGG YOU MUST BE LIKE SO HOT RIGHT NOW"

"I KNOW RIGHT I AM HOT YOU MUST BE CRAZY HOT TOO MAN!"

"COME HOME DUDE LET'S HANG OUT I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU!!!"

"OKAY I'LL COME!! CAN I BRING YOU SOMETHING? GREEN PEAS?"
"OMGGG I LOVE GREEN PEAS!"
"SRSLY?!? ME TOO!!!!"

"SRSLY?!?! WE ARE TWINS WHO GOT SEPARATED AT BIRTH!"

"AAAH CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU AND SHARE DNA!"

But unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way.

"Hey! Happy Diwali!!!"

"Um, thanks. Who is this btw?"

"Oh. My bad. It's me, Songbird!!"

"Son-ohhh yes! Songbird, of course! Hi! :)"

"Hi! How is your Diwali going?"

"It's nice!"

"It's nice? That's great!"

"Yeah!"

"Heh."

"Hm."

"Ha."

*awkward pause that lasts 3 seconds but feels like eternity*

"Hmm, well I have to go now. I am late for my cloth-wringing class."

"Hmm, even I'm late for my cloth-wringing class. I should also go."

"Okay bye!"

"Bye -.-"

You know what they say... Feeling someone's absence makes you fonder, or something. Well, sometimes, it just makes conversations awkward. I mean, honestly, I used to have loads of 'best friends' when I was younger, but eventually, I lost contact with most of them. Some of my friends grew up to become cow worshipers, others became cow eaters; some of them milk cows, whilst others use them as means of transport. (I visited a hilly town last week and there were cows everywhere there, so.. sorrzies xo) And when you are expected to speak to these people after years, things are bound to get awkward. Especially if you don't regularly speak to them and have absolutely no clue about who they are, or what they are like, or if they even remember you.  

Oh well. At least some of my friends are still the same. At least some of me is still the same. 

Unfortunately, the mosquitoes won't change. But they will be gone, at least for a few months! :D 

(Hope you found the 2 twilight and 1 mosquito references)

Oh, and by the way, you should protect cows from firecrackers. They really freak out when you go near them with a phooljhadi. Actually, not just cows. Even dogs freak out. But I knew this one dog who actually enjoyed firecrackers. His name was Rocky, and he belonged to my friend's uncle. But still, not all cows or dogs are the same and must be protected. 

Great, I'll stop now.  

Happy Diwali (it's on the 3rd)!