Know your smile.

smile

  [smahyl]  Show IPA verb, smiled, smil·ing, noun.

verb (used without object)

1.

to assume a facial expression indicating pleasure, favor, or amusement, but sometimes derision orscorn, characterized by an upturning of the corners of the mouth.

2.

to regard with favor: Luck smiled on us that night.

3.

to have a pleasant or agreeable appearance or aspect, as natural scenes, objects, etc.: The landscape smiled in the sunlight.

However, even my most favorite online dictionary failed to define smile with the preferred amount of depth. 

A smile is not simply a smile.  People often say that your eyes are the windows to your world/mind/whatever, but a smile is a more direct route, imo. You fake it, make it, take it, break it, or scare a snake with it. (just wanted to rhyme). You can totally guess if a person is fake or not, by their smile. You can assume the amount of thoughts in their head by their smile. But of course, not many of us are so skilled at observing smiles. We all have better things to do. But if you ever sit and wonder, this post is all for you. 

I have had tons of experiences with all those types of smiles. But this is a very common one:

Now, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all those samaritans out there who cared enough to wonder the localities of my (absent?) smile. But I have a two questions for you. 1) Do you genuinely care?, and 2) Do you expect everyone to smile everywhere all the freaking time? 

Now before you go all kung-fu on me for promoting 'sadness', let me just explain. A smile is an alleged way of looking into, or catching a glimpse of what might be possibly running through a person's mind. I have seen people all the time, waking up with a giant smile and going to sleep with a giant smile and carrying that giant smile throughout the day. I make it sound so hypocritical, but when I look at such people, my mind goes to a halt and I get confused about myself. For a long time, I wondered if I was normal. If I was the girl in the cartoon I made above, would I question myself? Should I hate myself for not smiling? Should I change myself? Should I clip on a smile just to fool the world, hoping to fool myself? But is there anything to fool about? After all, I wasn't depressed or anything. I was happy as hell and yet I chose not to smile. Am I non-human for not smiling despite not being sad? 

All these questions paraded en masse intending to destroy the cerebrum and only one of my sudden midnight epiphanies could stop further damage. I would not want to end up with a fake smile. In fact, I would much rather look non-smiley and long-faced, rather than fake. I would dare to put up an expression different from the rest of the world as long as I am staying the hell away from that painful, face-aching, stretch-marks forming, moisturizer-needing, the most dreaded, fake smile.

Now, you may protest and come up with reasons to go against my perspective. You will say all kinds of stuff that if you walk around with a sad face, you'll spread the sadness, or no one would wanna speak to you, or you'll forever be a weirdo or smiling is good for your health. Or any other possible reasons. You may or may not agree with me, but this is something I feel rather strongly about. If you smile every goddamn time, what exactly is the value of that cheap exhibition of yellowing teeth? If you smile the same smile for both your successful dentist appointment and when you win the Nobel Prize, what exactly have you reduced the significance of your smile to? What does it mean? Does it even have a meaning? 

Think about it. You 'force' a smile everytime you see an acquaintance on the hallway, but then there is this involuntary smile that just pops up when you see someone who actually matters to you. I personally have witnessed and analyzed the differences. There is, I assure you, a very clear gap between both kinds of smiles. That involuntary one is the one you thrive for. The rest are simply gorgeous futility. 

I have never been referred to as a frequent smiler. I smile when it's involuntary. I smile without thinking. And when there is the need to think, or force my brain to make me smile, I simply just choose NOT to. Of course, that might lead to judgement from all sides of the igloo, but that's just who I freaking am! I can't be expected to smile every time a photo is being clicked (this would explain why my smiles are so awkward in my pictures), but also, that doesn't mean I'm perpetually upset. Being the awesome writer/creative person I am, a thousand things are running through my mind every second. And when I think, my face just holds this perpetually thoughtful expression that is interpreted in many ways by different people. Some think I'm lost. Some think I'm sad. Some think I'm weird. But the truth is, I'm just being normal. A 'smile' can't simply be expected to be the 'normal' expression. I'm not saying a frown should be normal either, but why the heck do people judge you on the basis of a regular defined rule which screams "YO EARTHLINGS! IF YOURE HUMAN YOU SMILE WHEN YOU FEEL NORMAL!!!". Why can't you be judged by your own standards? Why can't people open up their minds and NOT judge others by their facial expressions for once? 

And also, let's assume you see an actual, genuine depressed person (if your brain ever matures enough to make the difference between a genuinely depressed and fake depressed). Why do you ask the person to 'smile'? Why can't you MAKE the person smile instead?!!

This is just one of the many things I fail to understand about people. A smile doesn't just pop up by itself. You have to make it happen. I actually am going to digress and claim that though many claim that you don't need a reason to smile, I believe that mostly, you do! You are smiling because the weather is nice. Your smiling because that cake is delicious. You are smiling because your SO smiled at you. You are smiling because if makes you feel good. You are smiling because there are good things in your mind. You are smiling... for a reason. It may be minute, but it is there. And it is causing that smile you so beautifully highlight your face with.

Honestly, this post is mostly spelling out 'me'. I'm sure not everyone feels or thinks the same. But at the moment, this thought that I've suddenly come up with just seems so incredibly awesome and true, that I just can't think of any argument against it. Also, another thing I can not stand is when people judge others without knowing their background. When you see a smile and proclaim it or label it, do you ever wonder why it's there, or why that person is this way? Do you ever wonder about your depressed chai-wala, or your jubilant air hostess? I'm not saying be a creep and find out, but you should be sensitive to people's lives. You can't just compare others to yourself and be like "That person is so sad all the time when everyone else is so chill. Let's bury him in the dungeon." Or whatever. Maybe that person is suffering from cancer and suddenly is bestowed upon the pain that he/she has to deal with. Or maybe he broke his fingernail. Okay, now I just don't know what I'm saying. So before I go insane, I shall stop. 

Let me just end by saying that smiles are beautiful, wonderful and one of the greatest things about being human beings. Have you seen iguanas smile? Maybe occasionally, but we can smile way more than that. But I don't think iguanas would go around faking smiles, and that is why I'm worried about people. You just never know when you are being faked. You just never know when you are really happy. You just never know when you have made someone happy. So wouldn't you rather be.. REAL than forever smiling? I think being real is the better option. Obviously, this is all my opinion, as I am repeating for the umpteenth time. But I'm a strong believer. 

I feel amazing after letting all my ideas and all out, but guess what, I'm still not smiling. Call me emotionally drained, but you can't say I'm fake. Goodnight <3