We have all wanted to become trendsetters at some point, and as much as you might try to deny, every time you wore those converse with your dress, you had your fingers crossed thinking maybe, you might just start a trend. And you know what, I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm exactly one of those wannabes and that is why I am writing this entry.
Fellow mortals and immortals, I'm starting a trend for my blog!! (be excited!!!!) !!!
From today until when the Earth finally realizes that it's merely a mothball waiting to somehow be drained through the sink, I will attempt to follow this How To series! in which I will explain how to do things.
Of course you are obviously wondering about my credibility with giving advice. In that case, you will be pleased to know that I'm a certified satirist. It is as if my shoulder is made of some high volt disease-virus-thing because the second someone tries to place their head on it, they are electrocuted with confusion and misery. People have often either acknowledged or avoided the theories I would come up with, and the wonderful solutions that I conjure up for the sad, sad humans.
Basically, I like giving advice. One of my favorite hobbies is to help others out by lecturing them. (okay, so I just contradicted pretty much everything I said about myself above). And often, people have told me that I do, indeed, have this ability to listen to others and offer practical feedback, and therefore I should probably start an advice column. However, I also realized that this is not entirely who I am. I can't be expected to be caring and advisory ALL the time, but I do want to help people out as well. So due to these conflicting aspirations, I am going to start this How To series! where I will try to offer helpful, entertaining, or stupid steps to overcome trivial, paranormal, or significant events in life.
Today I'm going to teach you how to pretend that you've started a trend, slightly because it's an interesting topic, but mostly because that is so not what I just did. Because wikiHow totally doesn't exist and even if it does, I have never really accessed it or owned any device to access an unheard phenomenon known as *The Internet*. <heavenly background music>
1) Think of something- Before you start a trend (or pretend to), think of what the trend should be. Are you sure that you don't have any original ideas so you won't have to pretend? Are you sure people don't already get the white area of their eyes whitened? Either ways, it is essential that you think of a trend, whether it already exists, and whether you are going to pretend or not.
2) Look innocent- If you are a girl, it is highly advisable that you stop wearing clothes that expose any portion of skin. Start wearing long, floral skirts and tie your hair in a tight ponytail. If you are a boy, throw away your T-shirts and crawl into collared, striped shirts, buttoning up all the way to your voicebox. Start watching kitten videos and tell everyone that you're vegetarian.
3) Publicize- Of course, a trend is not a trend unless you share it with the world. Go on every social networking website that you're a part of, and create accounts in those websites if you don't already use them. Text all your friends and bribe them into telling their friends, unless you are positively sure that a good amount of people are aware of this trend.
4) Follow your own trend- So if you started the trend of riding a deer to school every Thursday, make sure you buy a handsome deer (not a doe or a flying shoe or your really thin brown friend) and ride it to school every Thursday. Attract attention by blowing trumpets and bursting confetti on your history teacher, feeding your classmates' homework to the deer, and adorning your lovely animal ride with any awards and medals you have achieved, even if it is just the local High-Pitch Sneeze contest.
5) Get others to follow your trend- If you're really hot, offer to date anyone who agrees to follow your trend, and if you're not, bribe them with money, coupons, tea pots... whatever you can find.
6) Make sure you never talk about your source- Your biggest secret is your potential traitor, so ensure things/places such as Narnia, wikiHow, newspaper articles, or any other traitors do not pop up in conversation. If the media blames you for plagiarism, learn up all the flaws of your source. If there isn't a flaw, make one up. Yes, it will make you a bad person, but you might as well just go on with this trend since you already started it.
For example, the person who already rides to school every Thursday on a deer is probably a mental patient. If he isn't, he is now. Therefore, that source is not reliable and you are totally the right owner of the trend.
7) Admire yourself in every possible occasion- If you are called to talk shows, boast about yourself. Tell them about how your high IQ inspired you to not attend school or college. Tell them about the time you pulled a car using just your eyelids. Every time you boast about yourself and look innocent at the same time, your credibility increases.
8) In the meantime, try to be better than the original trend source- Your deer should be faster, sexier and smarter than that man's deer. So even if you may ever get caught, people will still follow your trend or favor you for successfully improving an older trend and modifying it to perfection.
Annnnnnnd, there you have it! You have now successfully started a trend and no one knows that you are merely pretending. Except for me. But I won't tell anyone if you promise to share this blog entry with all your friends.
Nah, I'm kidding. I'm that kindhearted.
PS- If you have an idea for a How To series, please do let me know & I shall exploit (lovingly) that topic whenever I post one of these entries next. So please don't hesitate and do let me know! I dine on suggestions and feedback. nomnom.
Fellow mortals and immortals, I'm starting a trend for my blog!! (be excited!!!!) !!!
From today until when the Earth finally realizes that it's merely a mothball waiting to somehow be drained through the sink, I will attempt to follow this How To series! in which I will explain how to do things.
Of course you are obviously wondering about my credibility with giving advice. In that case, you will be pleased to know that I'm a certified satirist. It is as if my shoulder is made of some high volt disease-virus-thing because the second someone tries to place their head on it, they are electrocuted with confusion and misery. People have often either acknowledged or avoided the theories I would come up with, and the wonderful solutions that I conjure up for the sad, sad humans.
Basically, I like giving advice. One of my favorite hobbies is to help others out by lecturing them. (okay, so I just contradicted pretty much everything I said about myself above). And often, people have told me that I do, indeed, have this ability to listen to others and offer practical feedback, and therefore I should probably start an advice column. However, I also realized that this is not entirely who I am. I can't be expected to be caring and advisory ALL the time, but I do want to help people out as well. So due to these conflicting aspirations, I am going to start this How To series! where I will try to offer helpful, entertaining, or stupid steps to overcome trivial, paranormal, or significant events in life.
Today I'm going to teach you how to pretend that you've started a trend, slightly because it's an interesting topic, but mostly because that is so not what I just did. Because wikiHow totally doesn't exist and even if it does, I have never really accessed it or owned any device to access an unheard phenomenon known as *The Internet*. <heavenly background music>
1) Think of something- Before you start a trend (or pretend to), think of what the trend should be. Are you sure that you don't have any original ideas so you won't have to pretend? Are you sure people don't already get the white area of their eyes whitened? Either ways, it is essential that you think of a trend, whether it already exists, and whether you are going to pretend or not.
2) Look innocent- If you are a girl, it is highly advisable that you stop wearing clothes that expose any portion of skin. Start wearing long, floral skirts and tie your hair in a tight ponytail. If you are a boy, throw away your T-shirts and crawl into collared, striped shirts, buttoning up all the way to your voicebox. Start watching kitten videos and tell everyone that you're vegetarian.
3) Publicize- Of course, a trend is not a trend unless you share it with the world. Go on every social networking website that you're a part of, and create accounts in those websites if you don't already use them. Text all your friends and bribe them into telling their friends, unless you are positively sure that a good amount of people are aware of this trend.
4) Follow your own trend- So if you started the trend of riding a deer to school every Thursday, make sure you buy a handsome deer (not a doe or a flying shoe or your really thin brown friend) and ride it to school every Thursday. Attract attention by blowing trumpets and bursting confetti on your history teacher, feeding your classmates' homework to the deer, and adorning your lovely animal ride with any awards and medals you have achieved, even if it is just the local High-Pitch Sneeze contest.
5) Get others to follow your trend- If you're really hot, offer to date anyone who agrees to follow your trend, and if you're not, bribe them with money, coupons, tea pots... whatever you can find.
6) Make sure you never talk about your source- Your biggest secret is your potential traitor, so ensure things/places such as Narnia, wikiHow, newspaper articles, or any other traitors do not pop up in conversation. If the media blames you for plagiarism, learn up all the flaws of your source. If there isn't a flaw, make one up. Yes, it will make you a bad person, but you might as well just go on with this trend since you already started it.
For example, the person who already rides to school every Thursday on a deer is probably a mental patient. If he isn't, he is now. Therefore, that source is not reliable and you are totally the right owner of the trend.
7) Admire yourself in every possible occasion- If you are called to talk shows, boast about yourself. Tell them about how your high IQ inspired you to not attend school or college. Tell them about the time you pulled a car using just your eyelids. Every time you boast about yourself and look innocent at the same time, your credibility increases.
8) In the meantime, try to be better than the original trend source- Your deer should be faster, sexier and smarter than that man's deer. So even if you may ever get caught, people will still follow your trend or favor you for successfully improving an older trend and modifying it to perfection.
Annnnnnnd, there you have it! You have now successfully started a trend and no one knows that you are merely pretending. Except for me. But I won't tell anyone if you promise to share this blog entry with all your friends.
Nah, I'm kidding. I'm that kindhearted.
PS- If you have an idea for a How To series, please do let me know & I shall exploit (lovingly) that topic whenever I post one of these entries next. So please don't hesitate and do let me know! I dine on suggestions and feedback. nomnom.
4 comments:
Ha, this is such a great post! You are very creative :)
the-creationofbeauty.blogspot.com
Thank you so much!
Great one. Looking forward to more advice on things from you. :)
Haha, I'm glad!
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