A few minutes ago, for some unfathomable reason, I was suddenly struck by the fact that this is it. This is the beginning of the end- the last year of highschool.
And as I sit in my room, avoiding all my homework like evading tax, I think of where I'll end up; next year and beyond. There are times when I feel as if I will never have enough time. Sometimes, during a random happy moment at school, I look around myself, wherever I am, and wonder, where will I be at the same time next year? Will the same people surround me? Will I be the same? Will my life be better or worse? And as I wonder, it strikes me. I only have one year left of school. School; the place where I spend 7 hours 5 times a week and face drama. School, no matter how many times I've shifted, no matter how many times I have claimed to hate, has been so powerfully blended with my life for the past 14 years, that I simply can't imagine life without school. I just can't.
So the day when I will conclude my last essay, wear my uncomfortable uniform for the last time, and take a one last glimpse at the building I have made my partial home/day shelter, I don't want to feel regret. At the night of graduation, I don't want to be sitting in a corner, moping about not having enjoyed school to my fullest, not having utilized time properly, regretting, lamenting, pacing around the past, all the people I couldn't get to know, all the studying that I didn't do, all the grudges I didn't let go of, all the occasions of avoidable embarrassment, feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied, and lonely, clad in my graduation gown. That's my biggest fear, I have realized. Now, I don't know if this fear is what will push me to make the best out of my school life, or my own road to disaster. If I start my amend-making straight away, I'll still run out of time. It is at the last minute, nearing the conclusion, when you figure out that there is simply no time! There is so much I want to do... I don't know if I'm really ready to let go of school, to let go of everything that comes with school.
I guess today is the day when I'll finally start attempting to make the best use of time.
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And as I sit in my room, avoiding all my homework like evading tax, I think of where I'll end up; next year and beyond. There are times when I feel as if I will never have enough time. Sometimes, during a random happy moment at school, I look around myself, wherever I am, and wonder, where will I be at the same time next year? Will the same people surround me? Will I be the same? Will my life be better or worse? And as I wonder, it strikes me. I only have one year left of school. School; the place where I spend 7 hours 5 times a week and face drama. School, no matter how many times I've shifted, no matter how many times I have claimed to hate, has been so powerfully blended with my life for the past 14 years, that I simply can't imagine life without school. I just can't.
So the day when I will conclude my last essay, wear my uncomfortable uniform for the last time, and take a one last glimpse at the building I have made my partial home/day shelter, I don't want to feel regret. At the night of graduation, I don't want to be sitting in a corner, moping about not having enjoyed school to my fullest, not having utilized time properly, regretting, lamenting, pacing around the past, all the people I couldn't get to know, all the studying that I didn't do, all the grudges I didn't let go of, all the occasions of avoidable embarrassment, feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied, and lonely, clad in my graduation gown. That's my biggest fear, I have realized. Now, I don't know if this fear is what will push me to make the best out of my school life, or my own road to disaster. If I start my amend-making straight away, I'll still run out of time. It is at the last minute, nearing the conclusion, when you figure out that there is simply no time! There is so much I want to do... I don't know if I'm really ready to let go of school, to let go of everything that comes with school.
I guess today is the day when I'll finally start attempting to make the best use of time.
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4 comments:
You think so much! Well that is what many people think. But don't you worry, you have college life too! After reading this post, I've started to feel the same.
Yes, I do have college life, but it will never be the same as school. Haha, glad you can relate. Thanks for your comment! :)
Hey,
You have been awarded a Liebster Award .
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Take Care. :)
Ajay Kontham
Yayy another award! Thank you SOMUCH! :D
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