A Life Like Pi.

When I declared to my charming friends that I finally watched Life of Pi, roughly 4 months after its release, they were a confetti burst of deceptive sarcasm.

I found the movie inspiring, in an adorable way. The lead was OHSOCUTE:') with subtle humor managed perfectly, though it seemed a bit dragged, for me, nearing the end. Overall, it was great to watch.

Reviews aside, this movie made me wonder.

Approx an hour and a half into the movie, well into the part where the lead is stuck on a boat with a tiger in the middle of the ocean, I began feeling... envious(!) Then I go like Why am I feeling so jealous?!! and my mind retorts You know why, you know it very well. No, it's not like I have some weird obsession with tigers that made me jealous of the lead (who's name is Pi- and I'm not gonna explain how the name originated coz I don't want to be a spoiler for those who haven't watched the movie), and it's not like I was jealous because of something else.

I was jealous because I wanted a life like Pi. Not entirely, but quite entirely so, yes. Just that part.

What's that? I hear you calling me names? *cough*Misanthropist*cough*
                                                                *cough*weirdo*cough*
I shall elaborate, as usual.

Not exactly high resolution, but just look at this picture. Look closely.

I don't know about most people, but when I see this picture, like really see it, I see utopia. It's like my personal escape. Now ignore the fact that I am a terrible swimmer, and I would probably pee myself at the sight of a tiger, but despite the stormy clouds in the sky, I see a place so beautiful, a place where I would want to be.

I know that this is just a movie, but oh how I would love to be alone in the middle of the ocean! Away from reality, away from the busy roads and people judging you everywhere. How nice would it be to have the vast ocean and the life boat all to yourself, screaming and doing whatever the hell you want, and not giving a crap about what others think. Away from awkwardness of socializing, away from people who piss you off, away from smoke coming out of cars, away from schoolwork. I wouldn't have to check myself in the mirror 50 times a day, or be formal and fake-nice to people, and put my show clothes on and perform my best. There would be no people to order me around, telling me what's right and what's wrong, how I shouldn't be and how I should be. I can laugh as loudly as I want, and cry as loudly as I need. There is no need to keep a straight face when I simply can't. When I get bored, I can float around and catch fish. I can scream and sing to myself all I want. I can openly criticize and hate on people without worrying about them hearing it. And most importantly, I can be myself. Away from self consciousness, away from tolerating people, away from worrying what others think, away from keeping up a good image for others to observe. freedom of thought, speech, actions, expression.

I'll just have to worry about the tiger. And sometimes, tigers seem almost less harmful than humans.

And when I get sea-sick, I can just throw up into the sea, without having to say 'excuse me' or apologize for ruining someone's shoes. When I crave company, I can just cuddle up to the tiger, and have conversations with him. At least he would listen. And even if he may try to say something mean, it will only come out as a roar, which I wouldn't be able to decipher.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love people and I can't live even a day without my phone or laptop, but aren't people like me the most vulnerable these days? Vulnerable to a total breakdown and brain dead-ness. Vulnerable to craving something different. The desire grows within you, until someday, sometime, you just have to run away and scream and shout and slap yourself around 10 times to remove that plastic off your face. You have to chew on hay to get rid of that fake smile you have been putting up, tolerating people and being nice for others to see. You have to pull your hair out and mess it up to shake the glitter out and punch your legs to let you begin your runaway to freedom. You have to squint your eyes a little at the sun, because you have been in the darkness of buildings and fake-lighting for a while now. You have to skip an octave or two to regain your normal voice. You have to rip your tight clothes a bit and throw away your shoes to be more comfortable. You have to roll in mud to remove that make up, and slam your head into a puddle of water to wash away all those thoughts and heavy-headed-ness and you need the reflection of clear water to see the real you, after removing all the civilization out of it.

And trust me, I have felt this feeling so many times. Pretty much during every social gathering. And even if I may be home with my favorite friends, there is still a lot more I want to do. But despite being a natural rebel, I obviously can't let every urge in me to take over my rationality, right? Otherwise I may just end up being a foolish inmate washing jail dishes my whole life. Or something similar.

So Pi, I envy you for that. I envy that you got a chance to be with yourself, just you, and the deep vast blue, and a tiger who can hurt you only physically, which is much better than being scarred emotionally. Of course, the context is different. You ended up on a lifeboat after a traumatic incident, and live the life of a refugee, but isn't that what made you even more reflective like the water that surrounds you? You ate sea-weed and ramshackled your brain with the fear of that carnivore, but you were alone, guided by your own thoughts. You had the freedom to think and feel and express! How often do you get this kind of freedom these days?! Yes, I probably wouldn't last a day in your situation, and die before reaching a presence of mind to actually enjoy the ocean. And it's not like I would want a life like that forever, but that desire still lives within me, hoping for a similar situation.

Side thought- Nirbhaya, the Delhi gang rape victim who died a terrible death, faced her battle for life with courage and strength. That's how she got the name Nirbhaya (which means 'no fear' in Hindi). She was raped after she boarded a bus with her boyfriend, after a movie-date with him. They had watched Life of Pi.
And Life of Pi=strength, courage, determination, inspiration. While Nirbhaya was being raped, through all that pain, she had the presence of  mind to notice the names of the rapists, and once rescued, she still fought courageously, and had a very very strong mind. 

Maybe, just maybe, the movie inspired her a little. And this is the part where I emphasize the fact that sometimes, tigers are less harmful than humans.